…
I love you and I miss you… I miss coming home at night and wrapping my armsaround u kissing ur head saying I love you all while you were sleepin then just buring my head into your neck and falling asleep. I miss you and I still love you…
I hate waking up nightmares like that especially when I know that there’s a 95% chance that it’s true. Who u sleepin with? Oh wait I no that answer so the question is how long has it been goin on? Why was it so important to keep it hush hush and that night was just for us have u been foolin around on me since b4 I even moved out? Honestly it wouldn’t surprise me and ik u sitting there saying think what you want and really you think I’m that bad? Well ya after everything else you have done why not that’s really not far out of your reach that’s what you do bounce from one to he next just like its nuthin so yup that’s what I think and I don understand after everything you have said to me and how you treated
me in the end and how you are now I will never understand why I miss you and why I still love you wtf is wrong with me? I know I deserve better. I know there is better out there for me but the sad part is I’m still wasting my time waiting on you cuz your the jackass I apparently love unconditionally no matter how many ways you hurt me and there have been a lot, you sick of me making you cry shit I wish u cried half the tears I have of feel half the pain I do but that’s right you do it to others before they could do it to you even tho I wasn’t the one to ever do it but hey w.e like I said b4 fuck them love them leave them I’m just like everyone else it don’t matter anything I ever did for you or how I treated you weather ppl beat you or take care of you then u still can’t stick around apparently. I dont know what u want in a person oh that’s right her ur BFF that’s what u want that’s who your sleeping w isn’t it…
Its 2 am and what am I doing? Walking around wegmans crying cuz I miss you.. seriously…
You say you won’t apologize for your happiness but you will say your sorry that you did this to me. You got your happiness by taking away all of mine by destroying me in so many ways and you don’t even think twice or blink an eye it’s all just nothing cuz u got what you wanted. I dont know if it’s you you only live once attitude or what of why you stayed with me so long or why you fucking married me but that was some shit. You let me believe for 2 years I was all you ever wanted and I was all you ever needed and our life TOGETHER was Gunna be great and we would be fine then you just pull it all away like it was nothing you deal with things your own way and all you want is your happiness it doesnt matter what happens to others. It doesn’t matter what you had to do to get it as long as your happy you say you changed for me I never asked you to I asked you to compromise never change who you are other wise I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you granted I fell for the softer side of you that people didn’t get to see then you stopped showing it to me to you changed all around I don’t understand what about this life style is so great and why you can’t have a person there for you if they were willing to fucking try. But you just never wanted to try anything you want it all to be right here for you but it was and I made it that way you wanted it i got it didn’t matter what it was food toys a car to move anything I was right there to give it to you. And I asked for some stuff in return but I didn’t think I was that much. But out of everything I ever asked you and everything you ever promised the only thing I kept repeating was don’t hurt me don’t hurt me like I have been over and over I told you I couldn’t do it again and you did it anyways and three times at that and I thought the second time was Gunna be the las and I thought it was all changing and getting better boy was I stupid… To think that 2 people as different as we were could work that in the end love was all that it really took you told me love was enough and unlike you I love you unconditionally it didn matter that u fucked up or we argued or wanted different things like the kid thing an w.e cuz at the end of the day I still loved you and still wanted to be wih you no matter what. And you can’t say the same about me so the whole you love different is a crock of shit otherwise this wouldn’t have happened apparently my love runs further and deeper the yours does. Cuz after everything I’m the one still in love and still being hurt and still hoping for a loss cause cuz to you it is what it is and there’s no looking back there’s no missin or want or desire for the other person as long as you have your freedom or whatever it is that you want then nothing else matters to you. I understand this is pointless and your never goin to change that the person that I once knew and made all these promises is now dead and is this new person that I never knew and never got the chance to know to see if it’s what I really enter or not cuz what I wan and how I feel don’t matter… It hasent mattered since we got married. You should have said no you had so many outs it wasn’t even funny I just still can’t believe this is what you are and what your doing… I will never get how you can say all this stuff to me 2 weeks before all this and it just changed. That all the shit you said for the last two years was all just nothing apparently everything you said was only Hal true of as it what you thought I wanted to hear cuz if it was the truth and how you felt in your heart then I wouldn’t be this way. I’m not looking for a response or an answer cuz I will never hear what I want to hear and everything else that you have to say back is just pointless and meaningless but again one last time how I feel cuz after this I go back to trying to cut you out and pretend that I don’t need o want you pretend like you don’t exist cuz that’s how it feels anyways the last two years of my life were a great dream that turned into a fucking nightmare… And I can’t wake up from it.
Walking away…
Why is it that the people that are supposed to stay in our life don’t? They just walk away. The tell you that they love you and they will always be there for you and then there just gone… my father did I my friends did it my wife did it… its only a matter of time till I’m completely alone cuz no one can hold up what they say. Then y promise to begin with? Why let someone believe that you can be great for them and then just lave them. Just turn your back and walk away like it never mattered to begin with. I don’t matter thas what you make it like… I wasn’t good enough I don’t matter enough for you t stay in my life I’m not important enough fr you to keep you promises…. thanks it feels great to keep bein thrown into the ground by everyone your supposed to be able to love and trust….
for better or worse… thats a joke.
so i have been feeling alot better and then at the same time alot worse… i doing good i been out every night this week with my friends and enjoying my time and it makes me excited for summer and at the same time it hurts and makes me mad cuz i had all these plans with someone else and they all got ruined, im sick of explaining what happened and whats going on but eveyone always ask about u and why im back.. so it really sucks and when i get home at night and im alone thats when it gets bad… and it all sucks so i try to take it one day at a time i just dont know how much longer i can fake it for….
Oh I have missed long drives all over the place with good music and good friends. I miss holding hands with someone and talking and singing telling story’s and reminiscing. I miss coming home to cuddle with someone and to being held or holding the other. Everything is so different. I feel like I was asleep for the last 2 years. Like there was no person there like I was just lost. The dreams just need to stop. I’m not even close to over it or ready to move on it all just feels so weird. The only thing now is I guess I can go for my “type” not that it’s Gunna happen for quite a while I don’t want to worry about another person I want to have fun and do me. I’m taking my time working and going on vacation if I was forced into this situation then I should at least get to do something to give myself a break. The thing that sucks is I can’t stop thinking about u in ways I shouldn’t be. The only thing my mind And my body wants is to satisfy you…. I just want to touch you and these dreams are killing me they go from that to nightmares and it sucks. I dont know what to do with it. I mean it’s not like we talk we have nothing to talk about you not even close to the person I knew or loved and I obviously don’t matter anymore cuz I haven’t herd from you not that we have anything to talk about but I hope u got everything you wanted it just really blows you dragged me down like this. I got you to where you are and what you got and I just get tossed like trash and now I’m just nothing… That’s great so enjoy your life I guess now that u got everything out of me that you needed I’m no longer good enough.. Or w.e your other reasons are… Eaither way I deserve better and your a dick…. Thanks for fucking everything up like that it means so much to know what I did for you men so much…. Way to be
its the end
im done, im done feeling this pain and suffering im done being destroyed, if i just destroy myself i then no one else can no more pain and suffering that sounds great. im never gunna get what i want out of life anyways so whats to point of sticking around and getting hurt over and over? why should i bother? i got a dead end job my wife who was my world left me fuck it im done.. so this is my goodbye if something happens to happen to me then its whatever, so if someone see this tell my friends and family i loved them very much and i just couldnt do it nemore im so deep in a hole i cant get out. its never gunna get any better so fuck it im just gunna end it never have to worry about anything again its so simple. i understand all the people who think like this now. i mean theres still some that dont have real problems they just do it for attention but im just sick of getting hurt and nothing ever lasting so fuck it thats all i got to say is fuck it.. i just want to be alone anyways so this is the perfect way to do it..
Leaving you. Perfect song almost to a T….
Hook]
Leave you, I never mean to [4x]
[Verse 1]
I guess making sure that you good was my bad
I kinda thought you had the same feelings I had
And you helped sell it like a fly ad
But you was mackin at the house, Ipad
Not mad, but there’s a few disappointments
Let’s just say that I canceled all the few appointments
I blew paper with you, not a joint bitch
I say bitch when I’m tryna make a point bitch
Other times I call it how I see it
I won’t give you the title if you don’t know how to be it
Which proves, I love it when the shits smooth
But show yo ass to yo nikka that’s a bitch move
I’ma ride but what are you about yo
You gon pull a Trey and say let me out though
Never saw it coming, what a cheap shot
Your strongest enemies the one who know ya weak spot
[Hook]
Leave you, I never mean to [4x]
[Verse 2]
I kinda wonder if I cross ya mind
Maybe you my ex cause you crossed the line
Maybe you just never saw the crossing signs
Cause the hand up means don’t walk
We don’t talk
And somewhere there’s a disconnection
You take it the wrong way so much misdirection
Baby what it is, tell me what it does
This is what it is, fuck what it was
But it was good while it lasted
But when its dead let it go, put it in a casket
And don’t dig it back up
Got my swagga back up
I pick up to call you then I hang it back up
Yeah, and Imma get back to ‘em
To know a backstabber, you gotta turn ya back to ‘em
Well maybe its just me and I’m going crazy
But let me ask you this
Where you going baby?
[Hook]
Leave you, I never mean to [6x]
Much needed fight
Tonight was a very interesting night at the chinappi house. I got to help the family control a crazy bitch by grabbing her by the hair and face planting her into the ground to pound the hell out of her. All I can say was that felt so good. A couple more things like that and I should feel 100%… the sad part is its 5 am andi want to text yu so bad to tell you about it… I hate that I still want to talk to you…. well bed now I work in 6 hrs….
BEST THING EVER!
Dear Steph, you are in fact a lesbian…I am unsure if you are aware but you are in deed a full blown, out of the water, something un-naturally realm true blue, carpt munching, ovarie licking, utterus waxin, D Y K E. Yes its true. Ask around town…everybody knows the truth. In fact, I had just wrote an article I was going to post in the NY Times about you being a pussy lickin, cock hatin, clit tickler. But someone already broke the news god damnit. But I thought I would write you this love letter. So yup. Your a fucking lesbian lovin, rainbow walkin, vagina tramp.
Love,
Dan
this made my freaking day! thank you dan
Poor animals
I feel bad that my cats keep walking around meowing when I know who there looking for is never coming back….
